Imagine Making Out..With Nothing!!

And, so we have entered an era of innovation, of imagination, of utmost creativity! The land of CGI!! And, what a world it is! Anything..absolutely anything you are able to imagine in your mind, we are able to put on the silver screen! Dinosaurs, flying wizards, cartoon female assassins with abnormally large breasts! You imagine it and we can create it! Yay for cinema!! I have enjoyed this land of make believe since the early days of My Neverending Story obsession! (Please don’t dare me play every single scene out, word for word, even though..I SOO COULD ROCK THE SHIT OUT OF THAT ENTIRE SCRIPT, and at the same time, convince you that I owned my very own Luck Dragon!
You may be wondering why I am going on and on about special effects and Luck Dragons..To this I would like to enlighten you into my Friday night.
I was called in to do some added scenes for TED..(said ever so cooly but in reality, freaking the F out inside!) I get to be on set with MARKY MARK, yet AGAIN!!?! OH, you would like to check Ms. Barth’s availability!? Hahhahahahaa..SHE’S BUSY. SORRY! BHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA..She has much better things to do than hang out with Mr. Calvin Klein-Boxer-Brief Himself! DUH! The nerve. THIS BUSINESS IS BANANAS!
My scene, you ask?? Oh, I only have to make out with my boyfriend! The lead of the movie. TED. The Teddy Bear. Simple, right? Actors make out all of the time, married or not! No biggie! In this case, however, as in every other scene I have filmed..there is no boyfriend..no lover..no bear! Just me. Just me and my imagination! Hahhahahahahhaa..? How in the world am I supposed to make out with someone/some-bear that is not there!?
I calm myself down by telling myself that I am a professional and that all of those third grade days of making out with the inner crevice of my elbow were good for something other than giving myself hickeys!
So, there I am, on set with a Mother-Effing heart-throb-reformed-bad-boy-slash rapper-who can add prison time onto his unending list of super hot traits, who coincidentally used to hang on my walls. Then there is the great and iconic Seth MacFarlane directing me and a Teddy Bear that was there but not there, but with whom I had to act out some major throws of passion with…. Again..hahahahhahahahaa..What!!?? Sometimes, I really have to take a grand step back from myself and look at my life and think..How the hell did I get here, and what would my father be thinking at this exact moment. (Miss you, Dad!)
I will not give anything away..other than the fact that chewing gum and pretending to french kiss air is more of a feat than one might think! BUT..it sure beats thirteen years of asking people if they’d like triple sec in their Cosmopolitans! Thank the Lord for CGI!

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8 thoughts on “Imagine Making Out..With Nothing!!

  1. shawna says:

    Great read, and so funny… You are amazing SIS… I love you Ms. Barth…. And dad would be so proud and getting a huge belly laugh from this….

  2. Brett says:

    I can vouch Jessica does own a luck dragon… seriously though she is so unbelievably talented, once people see her on the big screen and get to know the person she is on Ellen, Letterman, Leno, etc she will be the one everyone is head over heels for!

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