Big Break!

A Day in The Life

Don’t get too excited, I haven’t had mine yet.

You have to maintain an extremely healthy sense of self in this business.  Rejection comes at you from all angles, every day.  You can go into an audition as well prepared as you possibly can be, you can look great, you  can have an amazing connection with the casting director and you can nail it!  So, you walk out of there actually impressed with yourself!  You tell yourself that it doesn’t matter if you ever hear from them again, at least you did your best and they will for sure keep you in mind for future projects.  And, who knows maybe it is THAT future project will be your BIG BREAK!  But, that is all in the future what about today!?  You nailed that audition!  You are at least going to get a call back..right?

So, then you go about your day, pretending not to care.  Checking your phone every five seconds.  Nothing.  Then checking it again, still nothing. “Maybe the power is off??”  No.  It’s on.  ”Maybe the ringer is off?”  No. Definitely on.  LOUD.  ”Maybe..”  And then it happens!  Phone rings!

You don’t recognize the number.  Could it be “them?”  No..if I booked it then my agent would be calling, but maybe “they” got my number from my agent and fell so head over heals in love with me that they insisted on calling me directly!!!  That’s it!!  Cool.  Calm.  Collected.  ”Hello?”  Shit, was that too desperate sounding?  It was.  Totally desperate.  They are, for sure, going to reconsider and give the job to someone who can deliver a proper hello.  Fuck!  There goes my shot!

“Can I speak to Jessica, please?”

“This is her, she..This is she..”  Fuck.  What bankable movie star has ever said, “This is she.”?  Ugh..for sure they hate me now!

“Hi, Jessica.  This is Dr. Spollin’s office calling to confirm your 10am appointment for tomorrow.”


“Excuse me, Ms Barth?”

“Sorry, sorry.  Yes.  I will be there.  Gonna need it, thank you.”

Dr. Spollin is my therapist.  I bet you’re super shocked that I have a therapist, aren’t you!?

Agressively, you hang up the phone.  You wish you could slam it down but instead you the button.  Really hard!

This can go on for days.  This no calling bullshit.  It is a bit like going through a breakup, just knowing that he is going to come around and make that call and come crawling back!

Until, the date posted at the audition for callbacks..Feb 11..comes and goes.  And still, still you hold out hope that maybe things will fall through with… every other single actress that was skinnier, taller, younger, or maybe even fatter, shorter and older than you are. (Because, I’ve heard all of these reasons on one occasion or another)

Finally, the 13th comes and you can breathe, you can let that one go.  It is shooting day.  You didn’t book the Runaway Bride Keystone Light national commercial.  You are giving up acting!  You decide that this is an insane way to lead your life and you are done! DONE! DONE! DONE!  Then you go the other direction–ya know, cuz you’re slightly bi-polar.  All actors are.

You reassure yourself that it just wasn’t meant to be.  Not your path.  Everything will be okay.

Phone rings.

“Hey kid, audition tomorrow.  Bud Light.  Look hot.”


Who the hell drinks Keystone Light, anyway!?

I love my life!

How’s that for maintaining a healthy sense of self?

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